I Don't Feel Like Dancing

In my family, dancing is a reoccurring theme, always has been and always will be.  First of all, my father started this family trend with a grainy Super 8 video of himself dancing in his pajamas. This would be come a famous family video entitled "Paul Dancing".  My sisters. Mimi and Meghan, then went on to both have speaking roles in the hit movie Footloose, and if you are an American you know that that movie is about...well dancing.  Then came my gay ass, it started out very innocent. My nickname as a baby and far into my early 20's was Boogie.  I earned this nickname for dancing in my diaper to "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company B".  As an early teen, my brother max would catch me dancing around our living room and i would tell him i was exercising.  i would do a play now and then and have to dance in it.  Then, I was on a weight loss/dance reality TV show where i danced in front of a Million people.  But after I was asked by my partner to go shake my money maker at a local nightclub, i had a realization.  I hate dancing!

     WAIT WAIT WAIT LET ME EXPLAIN!

I'm going to piss a few people of by saying this, but the worst part of the show I was on was the dancing part of it.  I again have all the grace and dancing ability of a hippo that did a few bong rips.  I thank god that Dance Your Ass Off saved me from an obese adulthood, but I guarantee there were better and more deserving dancers that would have done a better job.  

I feel bad about all this mainly due to that fact that my partner loves to dance in the club.  I hate this for about 1,000 reasons.  Night club dancing to me is an odd phenomenon.  It is a mixture of competition, sweat, glitter and some douche rubbing his junk on my back.  Most "music" in a dance club is just a sped up version of the crappy song you hear on the radio about 40 times per day.  Your average club dancer look like a combination of someone having a seizure and being electrocuted at the same time.  Then you add in cover charges, expensive drinks, crowded spaces, noise that is too loud to talk over, lines for the men's room, and the vast colorful array of body odor and cologne.  Ill pass thank you, the only thing that makes it even remotly interesting to me is catching a drag show.    

Good drag queens can put on a very entertaining mixture of illusion and talent.  Some of these bitches can dance and actually entertain.  Some of these dizzy queens are entertaining without knowing it.  Nothing is funnier that a drag queen that is trying so hard to be taken seriously in there performance, but is too high to remember what her boobs are full of.  The golden goose of drag shows is if you can catch there junk come loose under there skin tight body suit.  Hilarious!   

Maybe it was my elimination dance that put such a bad taste in my mouth.  I mean look at how they dressed me.  Watching it back on TV,  I realize what a horror show that it was. For my sake and for the sake of my relationship, I hope i can get over it.  Maybe I kind find enough passion in my heart, or whiskey in my cupboard, to dance once more.