So apparently I am in some way offensive enough for one of my blog followers to personally e mail me and tell me they will no longer follow my postings. BITCH! if you want to read offensive then sit back an I will make sure you know what offensive really means!
Dear person who thinks I am offensive,
I took a great big shit this morning. It was a liberating feeling. My bowels evacuated with the intensity of a waterfront hooker looking to suck her next dick. Speaking of sex, I fucked my boyfriend last night. Yep I love gay sex and sometimes cant get enough of my hot man. I pinned him down and had my way again and again and again. then I took a shower and realized that my appetite was not satisfied, so I went back to him and had some more gay SEX. Sex, however is not a four letter word so i think I should have said Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck, lets all be afraid of this word, it is soooooooo offensive.
I also woke up still a little drunk. I drank some maker's mark last night. I felt like Lindsey Lohan. Except i don't own a car or have any acting jobs, so I guess the only thing we have in common is a lust for the drink. Speaking of lust, did you notice that I said FUCK!
I just waved off a bum with open sores on his face. I wanted to feel bad but that would not be offensive enough. I felt sick to my tummy looking at all of those meth induced sores on his face. I went to the restroom in Starbucks to throw up, but ended up dry heaving for a second then decided to take another shit. It felt great! That was a fragment sentence and I could care less. I hate grammar and hope it goes to hell with that bum.
By the way, I know your a Mormon! Did you know that they just made a musical about your religion? Enough said about that topic.
Happy fucking Valentines day you entitled bitch! I hope when you lay down to "Make Love" to your impotent husband, you distract your brain long enough to think about me. Also, if you decide to continue to over populate the world even more, I hope you brat is gay and offensive like me!
The rest of this letter is some offensive words I will make SURE to use in the future!
Cock
Balls
Sarah Palin
Taint
Fore skin
Vagina Slime
Butt Hole
Republican
Fuck
Damn
Hell
Limbaugh
Cock
Suck
Texas
Thank you
Friday, February 11, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
V day
OH FUCK!
I am actually in a relationship for the dreaded Valentines day. For the most part I consider this a day to drink whiskey and reflect on why I think the whole business of love and relationships is a silly thing for the complacent and desperate. I was the hold out of all of my friends and family, sure i would date from time to time, but I never really cared for the commitment, the dependency, the mess, the tears or the large amounts of money spent on the courtship process. I am lone wolf, who can see danger from a mile away. I sneered and giggled at my friends who fell like dominoes into the grasp of this black oblivion. Then, I met Mathew, and he was better and being with me than I was at pushing him away.
He has got giant eyes and noodle arms. Doc Holliday is his great, great, great grandfather. and for the past year or so I wake up everyday to his grouchy face. I love him, and his O.C.D ways. But now I am up shit creek because I have no clue what to do about Valentines day. All of my straight firend have chimed in with several different ideas on how to make this a success. here are the top 3 ideas and why they don't work for a guy like me.
(LOOKING FOR A GIFT FOR YOUR SWEETIE? CONSIDER CLICKING ON ONE OF THE AMAZON.COM LINKS ON MY PAGE AND GIVE THE GIFT OF AMAZON THIS VALENTINES DAY. BUT SERIOUSLY LINK FROM MY PAGE!0
First suggestion.
spread rose petals all over the house, light a bunch of candles and have a bubble bath waiting for him.
First Problem
Mathew has OCD and would freak out if there were a bunch a flower petals around the house.
Second Suggestion
Wait for him to come home and be naked on the bed with a bow around your junk.
Second Problem
Even the thought of that is making me laugh. I don't know if I could keep a straight face lon enough to pull it off.
Third Suggestion
go out for a romantic dinner and a concert/movie/whatever
Third Problem
Money
I think that the best solution is always the most simple. I love him everyday and I don't need to show that 1 day a year, I need to show it everyday.
BUY SHIT FROM AMAZON THROUGH MY BLOG PAPA NEEDS NEW UNDERWEAR!
I am actually in a relationship for the dreaded Valentines day. For the most part I consider this a day to drink whiskey and reflect on why I think the whole business of love and relationships is a silly thing for the complacent and desperate. I was the hold out of all of my friends and family, sure i would date from time to time, but I never really cared for the commitment, the dependency, the mess, the tears or the large amounts of money spent on the courtship process. I am lone wolf, who can see danger from a mile away. I sneered and giggled at my friends who fell like dominoes into the grasp of this black oblivion. Then, I met Mathew, and he was better and being with me than I was at pushing him away.
He has got giant eyes and noodle arms. Doc Holliday is his great, great, great grandfather. and for the past year or so I wake up everyday to his grouchy face. I love him, and his O.C.D ways. But now I am up shit creek because I have no clue what to do about Valentines day. All of my straight firend have chimed in with several different ideas on how to make this a success. here are the top 3 ideas and why they don't work for a guy like me.
(LOOKING FOR A GIFT FOR YOUR SWEETIE? CONSIDER CLICKING ON ONE OF THE AMAZON.COM LINKS ON MY PAGE AND GIVE THE GIFT OF AMAZON THIS VALENTINES DAY. BUT SERIOUSLY LINK FROM MY PAGE!0
First suggestion.
spread rose petals all over the house, light a bunch of candles and have a bubble bath waiting for him.
First Problem
Mathew has OCD and would freak out if there were a bunch a flower petals around the house.
Second Suggestion
Wait for him to come home and be naked on the bed with a bow around your junk.
Second Problem
Even the thought of that is making me laugh. I don't know if I could keep a straight face lon enough to pull it off.
Third Suggestion
go out for a romantic dinner and a concert/movie/whatever
Third Problem
Money
I think that the best solution is always the most simple. I love him everyday and I don't need to show that 1 day a year, I need to show it everyday.
BUY SHIT FROM AMAZON THROUGH MY BLOG PAPA NEEDS NEW UNDERWEAR!
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